it's just my face

I signed up for my first 1/2 marathon today.  Committed.  Paid for with no refund available.  No turning back!  I am so happy for myself and yet apprehensive at the same time!  I can not believe I have done such a thing.  A year ago there's no way I would believe that I could accomplish such a thing.  Running 13.1 miles?  are you kidding me?  Not now, I got this!  I can do this! Today I will start "training" for it.  I have been running as much as I can, but now I need to focus on getting ready to run further at one time than I have EVER ran!  No excuses.  This means I need to cut back on my drinking and partying and focus more on taking care of my body. I'm running this race with an old friend from high school.  Back in those days, we pushed each other to drink more, smoke more, fuck more than we ever had before.  Now we're pushing each other to run further.  It's funny how life works.  I've had pe...

As you can see by looking over the last year of blogginess, fitness and exercise have become a part of my life.  I've set several physical goals and exceeded those goals.  In the last couple of months, my commitment to exercise has wavered a bit.  Be it because of illness or busy schedule, I have been putting exercise on the back burner and I'm not happy about it.  I've had a million excuses- unacceptable!  My pants are getting tighter, I'm more aware of my belly, I'm spilling out of my pants.  I must get back to it! Today I was out shopping and I decided to get myself a new fitness DVD.  Another Jillian Michaels DVD because she gets my ass in gear.  I notice results and I look forward to doing her work outs.  Even though they kick my ass!  When I got home, I put away the things I had purchased and eagerly ripped open my new DVD!  I was so excited to do it.  (Kinda sick isn't it?)  Let me tell you, it kicked my ass! ...

This is a gorgeous picture of me.  I love it.  This picture has been responsible for restoring my confidence and reminding me that I am beautiful.  (Cathy, you've helped too) The amount of male attention I have received because of this photo is comical.  Honestly, I can't believe how many men have told me I look great in it.  It is responsible for getting me phone numbers.  There have been a few men who have told me repeatedly that I look good in it.  My reply is typically, "thanks, but you already told me that." It's funny and uplifting.  All I have to really say about it is, Thank God for good lighting and nice hair.  ;-)

There's this man.  He's trouble.  He's reckless.  He's absolutely amazing.  We have a chemistry and connection that is rare.  Every logical part of my being is telling me to stay away.  I feel safe, happy and content with him.  The free spirit in him keeps him away from me the majority of the time and even though I know this is a good thing, I miss him terribly when I don't see him.  I've never been kissed like that in my life.  His touch is so tender.  It's always on my mind. He says he wants us to be together.  He wants me to be his.  I want to be his.  Weird.  I think he's playing me or maybe he's scared.  I don't know.  I do know that right now I'm content to be alone and unattached for those moments when he decides to grace me with his presence.  It's not logical.  It's doesn't make sense at all.  But is it ever supposed to? I'll do my best to protect myself, but eventually this is go...