it's just my face

As you can see by looking over the last year of blogginess, fitness and exercise have become a part of my life.  I've set several physical goals and exceeded those goals.  In the last couple of months, my commitment to exercise has wavered a bit.  Be it because of illness or busy schedule, I have been putting exercise on the back burner and I'm not happy about it.  I've had a million excuses- unacceptable!  My pants are getting tighter, I'm more aware of my belly, I'm spilling out of my pants.  I must get back to it! Today I was out shopping and I decided to get myself a new fitness DVD.  Another Jillian Michaels DVD because she gets my ass in gear.  I notice results and I look forward to doing her work outs.  Even though they kick my ass!  When I got home, I put away the things I had purchased and eagerly ripped open my new DVD!  I was so excited to do it.  (Kinda sick isn't it?)  Let me tell you, it kicked my ass! ...

This is a gorgeous picture of me.  I love it.  This picture has been responsible for restoring my confidence and reminding me that I am beautiful.  (Cathy, you've helped too) The amount of male attention I have received because of this photo is comical.  Honestly, I can't believe how many men have told me I look great in it.  It is responsible for getting me phone numbers.  There have been a few men who have told me repeatedly that I look good in it.  My reply is typically, "thanks, but you already told me that." It's funny and uplifting.  All I have to really say about it is, Thank God for good lighting and nice hair.  ;-)

There's this man.  He's trouble.  He's reckless.  He's absolutely amazing.  We have a chemistry and connection that is rare.  Every logical part of my being is telling me to stay away.  I feel safe, happy and content with him.  The free spirit in him keeps him away from me the majority of the time and even though I know this is a good thing, I miss him terribly when I don't see him.  I've never been kissed like that in my life.  His touch is so tender.  It's always on my mind. He says he wants us to be together.  He wants me to be his.  I want to be his.  Weird.  I think he's playing me or maybe he's scared.  I don't know.  I do know that right now I'm content to be alone and unattached for those moments when he decides to grace me with his presence.  It's not logical.  It's doesn't make sense at all.  But is it ever supposed to? I'll do my best to protect myself, but eventually this is go...

I can't fucking believe this!  I just got home from a night on the town with DARREN MCCARTY!  fuck yeah!  I'm drunk.  But I don't want to ever forget how I feel right this second.  I sang kareoke with a four time stanley cup winning hockey STAR!!  That.  Is.  SO.  fucking.  COOOOOOL!!!  Hahaha!  And here's the best part, I said goodnight, and he KISSED me!!!  FUCKING AWESOME!!!  haha!  And now I'm home because I am better than that!  YES!!  So proud of me right now!  FUCK YEAH!

I developed sooner than most girls my age.  I had boobs in fourth grade.  This fact always made me very self conscious.  The boys picked on me relentlessly.  I was weird, different.  I didn't fit.  I've never really thought I was beautiful or worth much.  I can recall specific things from my teenage years that caused me great grief. One night in middle school, my best bud decided she wanted to do my make-up before we went out for the night.  She decided to do my make-up to accentuate my lips.  I always thought my eyes were my best feature, she agreed but said that's why we should try to bring out a different feature.  When she was finished, I thought I looked beautiful.  I felt beautiful.  We finished getting ready and headed downtown.  Within minutes of being downtown, someone hollered at me, "look at her boobs!  What a freak!"  Instantly, I felt sad and out of place again. Another time...  I had a crus...