Self Esteem
I developed sooner than most girls my age. I had boobs in fourth grade. This fact always made me very self conscious. The boys picked on me relentlessly. I was weird, different. I didn't fit. I've never really thought I was beautiful or worth much. I can recall specific things from my teenage years that caused me great grief.
One night in middle school, my best bud decided she wanted to do my make-up before we went out for the night. She decided to do my make-up to accentuate my lips. I always thought my eyes were my best feature, she agreed but said that's why we should try to bring out a different feature. When she was finished, I thought I looked beautiful. I felt beautiful. We finished getting ready and headed downtown. Within minutes of being downtown, someone hollered at me, "look at her boobs! What a freak!" Instantly, I felt sad and out of place again.
Another time... I had a crush on a boy. It was a huge crush. One of the kinds where you think about what your kids would be like. I never really expected anything to come of it because I've never really thought I deserved it. It was when I found a note to the boy from my friend that I knew I wasn't the only one that felt that way. It said something like, "she's not that pretty, and she's fat. She likes you but so do I and I think I'm better for you." I don't remember exactly what it said, I only remember how I felt when I read it. It hurt me a lot to see what someone I cared so much about really thought of me. Ultimately, her friendship was more important to me than any boy could be so I never said anything. I guess I never let it go though.
I've never really had the best self esteem. I'm not good at standing up for myself. I say the meanest things to myself when I look in the mirror or something goes wrong. I'm not a good friend to myself. It's one of the things I'm working to change. I owe it to myself.
One night in middle school, my best bud decided she wanted to do my make-up before we went out for the night. She decided to do my make-up to accentuate my lips. I always thought my eyes were my best feature, she agreed but said that's why we should try to bring out a different feature. When she was finished, I thought I looked beautiful. I felt beautiful. We finished getting ready and headed downtown. Within minutes of being downtown, someone hollered at me, "look at her boobs! What a freak!" Instantly, I felt sad and out of place again.
Another time... I had a crush on a boy. It was a huge crush. One of the kinds where you think about what your kids would be like. I never really expected anything to come of it because I've never really thought I deserved it. It was when I found a note to the boy from my friend that I knew I wasn't the only one that felt that way. It said something like, "she's not that pretty, and she's fat. She likes you but so do I and I think I'm better for you." I don't remember exactly what it said, I only remember how I felt when I read it. It hurt me a lot to see what someone I cared so much about really thought of me. Ultimately, her friendship was more important to me than any boy could be so I never said anything. I guess I never let it go though.
I've never really had the best self esteem. I'm not good at standing up for myself. I say the meanest things to myself when I look in the mirror or something goes wrong. I'm not a good friend to myself. It's one of the things I'm working to change. I owe it to myself.
Now that was deep. There were so many things that you said that made me think of myself. Trust me when I say I know how you feel. But you must know that you are Beautiful inside and out and there is that someone special out there that will know that same thing when you meet. Never get down on yourself, always look up.
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