it's just my face

I've never felt so heartbroken. I know how much I love. I don't know how someone could betray me so deeply, and look me in the eye. I know I'm worth more than that.  And to have the two closest people become two people who's trust I have to question.  Heartbroken understates how I feel.

I'm in this spot in life where it seems as though everything has stopped.  There's motion all around and people are moving forward all around me and I've stopped. I'm afraid of this pain that lives in my head.  If I participate too much, it becomes more aggressive. The cold hits my cheeks and I instantly feel like there are knives in my face and the right side of my head is in a brain freeze.  It FUCKING sucks.  Oh so anyway, I'm moving through life but I feel like it's a movie.   I'm waiting for my attorney and the defense attorney to meet and try to work shit out.  How can they work shit out without me?  Don't I get a say?  This has been the worst thing that's ever happened.   I can't speak for myself.   Literally and figuratively can't speak for myself.   I don't even know that I want to.

This morning I received a dick pic (maybe, maybe it was a thumb with a bandaid on it).  It was completely random, and because it was unexpected I didn't really get a look at it.... anyway. Because there was a delay in response, he then had messaged a joke underneath.  I replied "lil" 🤭  it's not what I MEANT to say, my phone was being honest I guess. I ruined his self esteem.   Ha! Also, at what age does it become inappropriate to send unsolicited dick pics? 🤣