I can't breathe

I'm in this spot in life where it seems as though everything has stopped.  There's motion all around and people are moving forward all around me and I've stopped. I'm afraid of this pain that lives in my head.  If I participate too much, it becomes more aggressive. The cold hits my cheeks and I instantly feel like there are knives in my face and the right side of my head is in a brain freeze.  It FUCKING sucks. 

Oh so anyway, I'm moving through life but I feel like it's a movie.   I'm waiting for my attorney and the defense attorney to meet and try to work shit out.  How can they work shit out without me?  Don't I get a say? 
This has been the worst thing that's ever happened.   I can't speak for myself.   Literally and figuratively can't speak for myself.   I don't even know that I want to.

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