one of those days

Yesterday was one of those days.  The days that come to remind you of past pain that you haven't dealt with yet.  Or maybe it's pain that you have been dealing with and you thought you'd dealt with it, but then someone says something and it all comes flooding back.

I was reminded yesterday of the "best friend" I endured to be in my current relationship.  I knew all along that the relationship wasn't as innocent as it had been argued and argued and argued upon.  My gut doesn't steer me wrong too many times.  The last words that were spoken about it were, "you were right about XXXX"

I shoud've clarified right there what that meant, but I guess I didn't catch it in the moment.  Right about what?  The entire scenario?  Oe just the part that she had no respect for me and wanted to be in my place?  I know there's no moving forward until I resolve it for myself.

What a terrible feeling it was, when her name came up in conversation.  I got light-headed, clammy, my heart was racing.  I hated it.  It's been a long time I've felt that way.  Then again, when you're isolated from others your emotional enviroment is a little more controlled.

I wish I could sort out how all of this truly makes me feel.

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