I'm not important to him.

I am not important to him.  He is any number of men that I have given my attention to recently.  This realization has paralized me.  It has taken my will to smile, care about my appearance, laugh.  I am not important to him. 

I am fed-up, tired, and frustrated.  Why do we do this?  Why are we always looking for someone to love us?  Why isn't the love we give ourselves ever enough?  Why can't I teach myself that it is enough?  I would like to believe that there will come a day when I say, "Fuck you, I don't care what you think.  It's not important." 

I'm not there yet. 

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